Why Rest May Create a Feeling of Unrestfulness ?

Knowing the Nervous System, Productivity Patterns, and Child Survival Patterns

Today, through this blog, let us understand what and why we feel restless while resting. Is it related to conditioning or childhood behavior patterns? How do these impacts influence us?

Have you ever felt totally exhausted but couldn’t actually relax? Perhaps your mind races, or you tend to keep moving even while trying to take time off. Or worse, you feel guilty for not being productive and believe you should be doing something instead. If you answered “yes” to any of these conditions, then you’re far from being the only one. The real explanation is much deeper than just being busy; there’s science behind it.

Nervous System and the Sense of Safety

Everyone's body is equipped to protect itself from danger. The Nervous System acts as an internal alarm system (the “reptilian complex”) that helps us recognize when we believe we are in danger. When we perceive that we are safe, our Nervous System allows us to rest, re-energize, and feel relaxed. 

However, as soon as we sense a threat, real or imaginary while trying to rest, it becomes a different story. We will not feel secure about resting. 

Some people are always in a state of alert, always ready to respond. Slowing down or relaxing can feel very uncomfortable or even frightening when there has been no actual danger; but this is how they feel in the moment prior to being injured or harmed. Thus, the very act of relaxing may be perceived as a sign of being injured or attacked by someone else.

Culture of Productivity Conditioning

Our culture teaches us that being productive is the most important thing in life. As children, we learn that being busy equals being successful. This is referred to as productive conditioning. It essentially states that if one isn’t doing something productive, such as working hard, improving oneself, or achieving goals, they are failing in some way.

When someone adopts a mindset of continual productivity, they may unintentionally train their nervous system to stay in a constant state of alertness. This creates an inability to rest or, rather, a perception that resting is dangerous, because if I am resting, I may not be productive. 

Therefore, even if an individual needs a break, their mind encourages them to “go, go, go.”

The Origins of Survival Patterns in Childhood — When Being “On” Doesn’t Always Provide Security to Rest

Many individuals develop a fear of resting due to childhood experiences of needing to be “on” and performing at a high level just to survive, whether due to stress, trauma, unpredictability, or external conditions/environment. As a result, their nervous system may have been conditioned to remain in a state of alertness based on childhood survival patterns.

For example, children who live in chaotic or unsafe environments often develop hypervigilant behaviors, meaning they have heightened awareness and maintain constant vigilance against potential dangers. While this helps keep them safe during childhood, in adulthood, hypervigilance can make resting or relaxing feel unsafe, as if they will be unable to protect themselves when they lower their defenses and go to sleep.

Practical Steps to Support Your Nervous System and Make Rest Easier

In addition to understanding why we may feel unsafe when resting, here are concrete strategies to help your nervous system relax:

• Create a “safe space” : Establish an environment where you can relax without disturbance.  

• Start small : Begin with very brief periods of relaxation and gentle breathing to signal to your nervous system that it’s okay to rest.  

• Challenge productivity beliefs : Remind yourself that relaxing is not laziness; it is essential for your health, creativity, and well-being.  

• Ask for support : Work with a therapist or psychologist to process childhood patterns and beliefs, develop coping strategies, and learn how to soothe your nervous system. 

• Be patient : Changing lifelong behaviors takes time. Be kind to yourself, as the process of change is unlikely to happen overnight.

Final Word

Rest is not about stopping work; it’s about creating space for healing and recharging. For some, however, it may feel unsafe, triggering the nervous system’s stress and productivity pressures. 

By understanding the why and how behind these feelings, we can begin to create a reset space, making it peaceful and joyful.