Why the Brain Romanticises ‘What Could Have Been’ More Than Reality

There are days when we catch ourselves drifting, wondering about the job we didn’t take, the person we didn’t choose, the conversation we never had, the version of ourselves we might have become. These thoughts often feel sweeter, sharper, and strangely more alive than the reality we are living. And sometimes, it scares us how easily our mind wanders into the world of “what could have been.”

You’re not alone.

And you’re not broken.

The brain is built to romanticise possibilities. And there’s something deeply human in longing for stories that never got the chance to unfold.

The Psychology Behind the Pull of Possibilities

Our brains are wired for anticipation far more than satisfaction. Dopamine, the neurotransmitter of desire is released more intensely when we imagine a possibility than when we actually experience it. That’s why the idea of a love story feels more intoxicating than the real relationship. The fantasy of a different career feels more exciting than the real work. The imagined version of ourselves feels more confident, more successful, more… us.

In the world of the unreal, there are no flaws, no disappointments, no hard truths. “What could have been” is a clean slate, ready for projection. Reality, on the other hand, demands effort, vulnerability, and acceptance of imperfection.

So, of course the brain drifts.

Of course it paints beautiful stories.

Of course the alternate life looks shinier.

The Emotional Comfort of the Unlived Story

Sometimes, we romanticise the paths we didn’t take not because they were better, but because they are untouched. Reality has edges. Possibilities do not.

In our imagination:

• The person who left would have stayed.

• The job we missed would have been fulfilling.

• The city we didn’t move to would have felt like home.

• The version of us who took more risks would have been happier.

But we forget that alternate realities would have had their own struggles, pain, and uncertainty. We fill in the blanks with hope instead of truth. And that makes the imagined life feel warmer.

Sometimes, it’s not the path we miss, it’s the feeling we believed that path would give us. Recognition. Love. Freedom. Belonging.

When the Mind Uses Fantasy as a Form of Self-Protection

Many people don’t realise this, but imagining “what could have been” is often a coping mechanism. It is the brain’s way of creating emotional cushioning when life feels heavy, monotonous, or disappointing. When reality feels difficult or when we feel stuck, the mind gently reaches out to the softer world of imagination. A world where we don’t feel like we failed. A world where we get everything right.

We romanticise the unlived because it gives us temporary relief from the pressure of living. But this can also lead to a quiet grief, the grief of a life we never lived. A grief no one sees, no one talks about. Some days, the ache of an alternate life feels as real as the life in front of us.

The Pain of Being Misunderstood

Many people don’t talk about this because they fear sounding ungrateful. They fear being judged. “Why can’t you be happy with what you have?” people will say. But longing isn’t the opposite of gratitude. Curiosity about another path isn’t a rejection of the one we’re on.

It’s human to wonder. It’s human to feel. It’s human to imagine yourself somewhere else, not because you hate your life, but because you’re trying to understand it.

Turning Longing Into Insight

Instead of fighting the pull of “what could have been,” we can use it:

• What does the alternate life represent?
• What need or desire does it hold?
• What emotion does it bring up - freedom, love, creativity, validation?
• And how can you bring that emotion into the life you have now?

Because the truth is, the brain doesn’t actually want another life. It wants certain feelings that another life symbolises. If we listen closely, the longing becomes a compass.

The Beauty in the Life You’re Living

It’s okay to visit the imagined world sometimes. Just don’t forget that you’re allowed to build beauty in the real one too. Reality may not always feel perfect, but it is the only place where life actually happens, where growth, connection, and meaning bloom.

“What could have been” is a poetic thought.

“What can still be” is a powerful one.

And that difference could change everything.

Written By : R. Sagarikaa, Editorial Head