FOMO in Parenting – Who’s Running the Race?
Before we begin, let’s step into three real-life parenting scenarios:
Situation 1: Run Every Race
The parents are excited, enthusiastic, and determined not to leave any stone unturned. They enroll their children in every possible activity : sports, music, dance, coding, drama. The child does fairly well in most, perhaps even enjoys the process. For the parents, the satisfaction lies in knowing they’ve given “every possible exposure.” The mindset: Run every race.
Situation 2: We Are Not Ready to Race
These parents have tried it all in the past, competitions, extracurriculars, relentless schedules. Over time, they’ve realised that much of it didn’t matter in the larger scheme of things. Now, they keep things simple. They focus on what the child truly enjoys, letting them set the pace. It’s less about the world’s expectations and more about family peace and joy. The mindset: We’ve been there, done that. We are not ready to race.
Situation 3: We Are Choosing Our Race
These parents stand somewhere in between. They keep an eye on opportunities, evaluate what fits, and choose activities thoughtfully. There’s encouragement, but not overdrive. They ask: Why run every race? Which ones truly matter? The mindset: We are choosing our race.
We often think of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) as a social media phenomenon affecting teenagers and young adults. But look closer, it has quietly crept into parenting too. The race isn’t just for the children anymore; many parents are unconsciously running their own race to “be seen” as engaged, proactive, and on-trend.
In a fast-changing world, there’s no universal “good” or “bad” parenting style among the three above. What’s clear, however, is that parenting itself is evolving. Every day, parents make choices, some driven by love and values, others by pressure and comparison. And this brings us to the question that echoes through every school, playground, and living room: To be or not to be in the race?
What Parents Can Do
Choose Well: Not every race is worth running : Even Olympic athletes specialise in one or two events, they don’t try to master them all. If you’re unsure what your child loves, give them space and time. Watch them. Notice what lights up their face, what they return to without being reminded. Let their interests guide the choice, instead of chasing every new class in town.
Avoid “Participation as Discovery” : Many parents sign their children up for numerous activities to “find out” what they’re good at. This trial-and-error approach can be exhausting, for both child and parent. Instead, try low-pressure exposure. If your child is currently in five activities, ask yourself: which one matters most? Cut down the rest. Let them live the activity, not just attend it.
Anchor in Your Parenting Values : Before deciding on an activity, ask: does this align with our family’s values? Do we want to raise a child who is competitive, collaborative, creative, or resilient? Once you are clear about the values, the “race” you run if any will be intentional, not accidental.
Be Wary of the Herd : FOMO is very real in parenting. It’s tempting to sign up for the same classes or activities other children are doing. But without a clear purpose, it’s simply running alongside the herd without knowing where you’re headed. Resist the pressure to “keep up” for the sake of appearances.
Question the “Busy is Better” Myth : Sometimes parents enrol their children in endless classes simply to keep them occupied. But activity does not automatically translate to growth. If your child or you are overscheduled, perhaps what’s needed is less doing and more being.
Shift the Focus from Winning to Learning : If your conversations revolve too much around winning, losing, or “being the best,” pause. Let the process take centre stage. Ask about what they learned, what they enjoyed, what challenged them. Avoid discussing the outcome before the experience even begins.
The Freedom to Think Differently
Freedom in parenting begins with freedom in thinking. It’s the courage to say: Our path may not look like yours, and that’s okay. It’s the wisdom to know that every child has a unique rhythm, and rushing them through life’s milestones can rob them of the joy of discovery.
Education platforms, schools, and parents share a common responsibility here: to redefine “success” for children in ways that are not rooted in constant competition. We must remember that slow growth is still growth, that depth matters more than breadth, and that the ability to choose what to do and what to skip is a life skill in itself.
When parents are free from the invisible race, children grow up freer too. Free to think, to explore, to fail, to try again, not because someone is keeping score, but because learning is inherently beautiful.
In the end, the real question isn’t whether your child is running fast enough. It’s whether they are running in the right direction. Because sometimes, the bravest and wisest thing a parent can do… is step off the track altogether.
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