From Hesitation to Confidence: Transforming Your 'No' Response

Almost everyone of us would have landed in an uncomfortable situation by either not saying no when we should have refused; or saying no when we should have accepted.Yes or no ? The word “NO” though sounds negative on the face of it, leads to many positive solutions when said at the right time and in the right way.

Many times, we get uncomfortable and embarrassed just because we could not say a “No” in the beginning itself which traps us into uneasy situations. I remember the story of a bus driver who had to accommodate many passengers in a bus stop while he had limited seats inside the bus. As the bus started moving, he called the passengers left behind and said with a smile.

“SPACE FOR ONLY 6 INSIDE THE BUS…BUT PLENTY IN MY HEART”, 

which left a smile in the faces of passengers left behind. We ought to master the skill of expressing no in a constructive manner. Doing so allows us to maintain healthy boundaries while preserving our relationships.

Failing to assertively say no when necessary can hinder our ability to confidently say yes in other situations, often leading to wasted time on unproductive activities. By declining commitments that do not align with our interests, we can avoid half-hearted participation and instead focus on our responsibilities, allowing more time for self-reflection and personal growth. This practice not only brings us greater peace of mind by alleviating unnecessary burdens but also enhances our assertiveness and self-esteem.

To effectively say "No," practice with small matters, communicate politely, and suggest alternatives. It’s important to know your priorities, respond early, and assert your boundaries without guilt, especially when requests conflict with your values or comfort.

Similarly, it is ok if somebody give us a “No” for an answer. Never take it as though you are being rejected. They are rejecting only the situation/task and not the person. Handling rejections or objections is also a skill. Even in sales, when you try to sell a product and the other person says a No, it means that they are not interested in the product not the person.It should not be taken personally.Whenever you feel so, attach the No to the situation, task or the product and not to your own self. 

Sometimes, due to inhibition, out of hesitation or distrust or self-doubt or simply laziness, we say No when someone offers help, suggests better way of doing things or when you must exert a little to get something.

Such situations deprive us of golden opportunities. Remember, opportunities keep knocking at our doors and the one who is receptive enjoys the benefit. Sometimes, objections are opportunities to improve our skills and to communicate more effectively with conviction, confidence and in a convincing manner. Please remember that when we are clear about our priorities, we will be confidently able to say “No”. When we don’t manage our time and resources, somebody else will, if we can’t say a No. 

So, it is ok to say No sometimes without an aorta of guilt which gives you more time and more peace of mind, to you and to others as well.

Written By :

Uma Baskaran, Counselling Psychologist

Corporate Trainer, Chennai