Unlearning the ‘Man Up’ Myth: How Modern Men Are Rewriting Strength

For generations, many boys grew up hearing the same two-word instruction: “Man up.” It was delivered when they cried, hesitated, showed fear, or simply felt overwhelmed. On the surface, it sounded like a call to be brave. But underneath, it shaped something far more complex: the belief that emotional expression is weakness, that vulnerability is shameful, and that silence is strength.

Today, we’re witnessing something powerful, men across the world slowly unlearning this message and redefining what it means to be strong. And it’s not rebellion; it’s healing.

The Roots of the “Man Up” Myth

The idea finds its roots in older models of masculinity shaped by survival, war, and economic expectation. In psychology, this is often connected to “traditional masculine norms,” a set of behaviours that men were expected to perform to be seen as “real men.” These included emotional control, dominance, and the role of protector.

But modern psychological research, including studies on Alexithymia (difficulty identifying and expressing emotions) and Gender Role Conflict Theory, shows a clear link between emotional suppression and mental distress in men. The more a man internalises the “don’t feel, just do” script, the more likely he is to experience anxiety, depression, burnout, and relationship breakdowns.

Silence, it turns out, wasn’t strength in fact it was survival. But today, we no longer live in times that require emotional shutdown. Our world demands emotional intelligence, empathy, and communication.

Why Modern Men Are Choosing a Different Kind of Strength

Walk into any urban workspace today, scroll through social media, or watch contemporary cinema, and you’ll notice a subtle shift. Men are now talking about stress, heartbreak, loneliness, fatherhood fears, work pressures, and identity questions.

This shift is partly influenced by:

1. Changing social expectations : Younger generations value authenticity more than stoicism. Gen Z men in particular openly use therapy apps, mental health platforms, journaling, and mindfulness. Being expressive is slowly becoming a badge of emotional maturity, not weakness.

2. The rise of digital vulnerability : Platforms like Instagram, YouTube, and podcasts have allowed men to witness real stories from others: athletes talking about depression, creators discussing anxiety, fathers admitting exhaustion. This visibility reduces shame and increases permission.

3. The relationship revolution : Modern partnerships thrive not on silence, but communication. Many men are realising that emotional intelligence improves closeness, reduces conflict, and strengthens trust.

What “Strength” Looks Like Today

The new definition of strength is not about being unshakeable, but being able to be moved without collapsing.

Strength today looks like:

• Saying “I’m not okay” without guilt.
• Crying without apologising.
• Being a loving father without fearing judgment.
• Allowing softness without losing identity.
• Asking for help before breaking down.

This shift is beautifully aligned with Carl Rogers’ humanistic psychology, which emphasises authenticity and emotional congruence as paths to true well-being.

The Unlearning Process: What Needs to Change?

Unlearning the “man up” myth is not about rejecting masculinity, it’s about widening its definition.

1. Start with language : Replace “man up” with:

• “Take your time.”
• “It’s okay to feel this.”
• “What do you need right now?”

2. Make space for emotional vocabulary : Many men grew up without learning the words for their inner world. Naming emotions reduces confusion and shame.

3. Build supportive male friendships : Research shows that emotional isolation is one of the biggest causes of male distress. Encouraging depth in male friendships can be transformative.

4. Allow yourself (or the men in your life) to be human : No costumes, no armour, just a beating heart.

A Final Thought

Strength was never meant to be a cage. Men are not meant to be emotional islands. And healing begins the moment we realise that vulnerability is not breaking, it’s opening.

So perhaps the real question today is: What if the strongest thing a man can do… is stop pretending he’s unbreakable?

Written By : R. Sagarikaa, Editorial Head