The Lake Wobegon Effect: Why We Believe We’re “Above Average” And How It Shapes Our Daily Lives
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I handle things better than most people,” or “I’m more understanding than others,” you’re not alone. In psychology, this very common bias is known as the Lake Wobegon Effect which is the tendency for people to see themselves as above average, more capable, more kind, or more emotionally intelligent than the general population. It’s harmless at times, even comforting. But in today’s changing, unraveling world, it shapes far more of our emotional lives than we realise.
We live in an era where self-esteem, resilience, and self-awareness are spoken about more openly than any generation before us. And yet, beneath the surface, something interesting is happening: many people genuinely believe they’re doing “better” than others in coping, healing, communicating, or managing emotions. It’s not arrogance; it’s a quiet psychological bias, a survival strategy in confusing times.
A Small Story from Everyday India
A few months ago, in a middle-class apartment complex in Bengaluru, something very simple happened. During a small community meeting, the topic of “communication gaps” with domestic staff came up. Almost everyone said the same thing:
“I treat them better than others.”
“I’m more understanding.”
“I speak politely.”
But on the other side, the housekeeping team had a different experience. Many felt residents didn’t listen, assumed too quickly, or talked over them. One resident, Meera, genuinely believed she was the most patient person in the building. But when her teenage daughter gently pointed out how she often raised her voice when in a hurry, Meera was stunned. She wasn’t a bad person, she simply hadn’t realised her behaviour didn’t match her self-image.
This is the Lake Wobegon Effect in action: the comforting belief that we are above average, while the world around us struggles more than we do.
Why We Fall Into This Bias Today
Times have changed. Today’s world demands constant comparison like performance reviews, social media validation, academic pressure, relationship expectations, even the “healing journey” narrative. Everyone is trying to prove something like:
- I manage stress better.
- I communicate better.
- I’m more self-aware.
- I’m more emotionally mature.
1. The need to feel competent, we want to believe we can handle life.
2. The need to protect our self-esteem, especially in uncertain times.
3. The need for emotional safety i.e. believing we’re “better than average” reduces fear.
How This Shows Up in Our Relationships
This bias doesn’t make us bad people, just human. But it can cause:
- Misunderstandings in relationships
- Underestimating how our behaviour impacts others
- Overconfidence in decisions
- Difficulty accepting feedback
- Blind spots in emotional intelligence
When two people both believe they’re the “better communicator,” for example, conflicts stay unresolved.
Strategies to Gently Break the Bias
You don’t have to stop believing in yourself, just balance confidence with reflection. Some realistic ways to work through it:
1. Ask Instead of Assume
When you think you’re handling something better than others, ask yourself: “What evidence do I have beyond my own perception?”
2. Embrace Micro-Feedback
Small cues from people around us like tone changes, pauses, hesitation, tell the truth we often miss.
3. Normalise Not Being Above Average
There’s nothing wrong with being human. You don’t have to be exceptional to be worthy.
4. Practice Empathetic Curiosity
Instead of comparing, try understanding: “What might this person be going through that I don’t know?”
5. Keep a Humility Journal
Note moments when you realised someone else did something better, smarter, or more patiently. This builds emotional grounding.
The Bigger Truth
In these unraveling times, when everyone is trying so hard to navigate life gracefully, the Lake Wobegon Effect reminds us that we’re all imperfect. And that’s okay. Real strength lies not in believing we’re above average, but in accepting that we’re all learning, stumbling, and growing together.
Written By : R. Sagarikaa, Editorial Head
Psychological Inputs From Experts
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