New Beginnings Require Endings: What the Dead Horse Theory Teaches About Growth

There’s an old saying from the Dakota tribe from Native America that goes, “When you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.” It sounds obvious, even humorous, but when you think about it, how often do we actually do that in life?

Most of us, at some point, have clung to something that’s clearly not working like a relationship that’s lost its warmth, a job that drains more than it fulfills, or a goal that no longer aligns with who we’ve become. We keep hoping that if we just try harder, things will change. But sometimes, the real act of strength isn’t holding on, it’s letting go.

The Psychology Behind Holding On

From a psychological perspective, our attachment to “dead horses” runs deep. Humans are wired for consistency and comfort. Even when something no longer serves us, the familiar feels safer than the unknown. The brain prefers predictability, it’s our defense against uncertainty. This is often called sunk cost fallacy: the tendency to persist with something simply because we’ve already invested time, energy, or emotion into it. “I’ve come this far, I can’t quit now,” we tell ourselves. But staying attached to what no longer grows us only prolongs the pain.

There’s also the fear of identity loss. When we leave behind something that once defined us - a career path, a friendship, or even a version of ourselves, it can feel like we’re abandoning a part of who we are. Yet, endings are not erasures; they’re evolutions.

Endings as Emotional Crossroads

Endings carry a stigma. We associate them with failure, regret, or weakness. But in truth, endings are emotional crossroads, points where we decide whether to stay stuck in what was or step into what could be. Psychologically, every ending triggers grief. Even positive change involves loss: the loss of routine, certainty, or comfort. This is why growth can feel exhausting it’s not just about moving forward; it’s about mourning what’s left behind.

And that’s okay. To “dismount the dead horse” doesn’t mean discarding your past; it means honoring it, acknowledging what it taught you, and then releasing it with gratitude. Closure doesn’t always mean satisfaction; sometimes, it simply means peace.

The Freedom of Letting Go

When we finally choose to let go, something profound happens: our emotional energy returns. What was once consumed by trying to revive something lifeless is suddenly available for new beginnings. This is often described as emotional reallocation, the process of redirecting energy from attachment to exploration.

Letting go also activates what’s known as psychological flexibility i.e. the ability to adapt, shift, and make space for change. People with high flexibility tend to experience lower stress and higher resilience. It’s not that they avoid endings; it’s that they understand them as natural parts of life’s rhythm.

Think of a tree in autumn. It doesn’t cling to every leaf out of fear. It trusts that letting go makes space for new growth. In the same way, we, too, must trust that endings are not voids but vessels, they carry us toward something yet to unfold.

The Courage to Choose Growth

Growth isn’t always glamorous. It’s often quiet, uncomfortable, and filled with moments of doubt. But psychological growth the kind that shapes who we become requires courage to face endings with honesty.

Ask yourself: What in my life am I trying to revive that has already run its course? What “horse” am I still riding because I fear what comes after I dismount?

It’s okay to outgrow places, people, and dreams. It’s not betrayal, it’s transformation. Endings, when embraced with awareness, are the soil in which beginnings take root. So maybe the real wisdom of the Dead Horse Theory isn’t just about quitting, it’s about recognizing that life’s rhythm depends on our ability to release. When we stop investing energy into what no longer serves us, we create room for what finally will.

And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do isn’t to keep riding, it’s to step down, take a breath, and trust that walking forward, even empty-handed, is still moving toward growth.

Written By : L. Padma Swathy

Counselling Psychologist, Chennai