Phubbing Through Erikson's Lens

Put the phone down, rainbow stars,
Clouds guide night, nature’s light afar.

Human connection is powerful, but today, it’s often interrupted by phone swipes and notifications. This behavior, called phubbing (phone snubbing), may seem harmless but can deeply damage relationships. Phubbing affects all stages of life, and Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development theory sheds light on its emotional consequences. 

Research by Whelan (2020) shows that phubbing increases anxiety, loneliness, and depression for both the person using the phone and the one being ignored. It leads to frustration, sadness, and isolation, which can escalate into long-term mental health issues. Mindful phone use is key to preventing this harm and fostering healthier, stronger connections.

1. Infancy (0-1 Year): Trust vs. Mistrust

Babies are learning trust, relying on caregivers to meet their needs. If a caregiver is distracted by their phone, the infant may feel neglected, undermining their sense of security. Babies don’t need Wi-Fi—they need your full attention. Choosing your screen over their gaze can create trust issues. That baby stare isn’t going to "like" your status update.

2. Early Childhood (1-3 Years): Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt

Toddlers are learning independence, and if parents are distracted by their phones, toddlers may doubt their abilities. Instead of feeling encouraged, they might feel ignored. Your toddler could be thinking, “Mom, I’m trying to dress myself—does my shirt matter less than your phone?” Honestly, their fashion choices are probably cuter than your Twitter feed anyway.

3. Preschool (3-6 Years): Initiative vs. Guilt

Preschoolers are learning to take initiative and need your attention to feel confident in their choices. Phubbing can make them feel like their efforts are unimportant, leading to guilt. Imagine your preschooler shouting, "I’m the king of the castle!" while you’re scrolling through Instagram. Without your engagement, they might feel their creativity doesn’t matter. The "king of the castle" moment is way more rewarding than cat videos anyway.

4. School Age (6-12 Years): Industry vs. Inferiority

School-age children seek recognition for their achievements, whether it’s a drawing or a sports win. If parents are distracted by their phones, they may feel inferior. Celebrate that winning hockey goal—your focus shows them their efforts matter and builds pride. A little attention now is cheaper than therapy later, so don’t miss the chance to cheer them on!

1. Adolescence (12-18 Years): Identity vs. Role Confusion

Adolescents are figuring out their identity and seek validation. Phubbing during critical conversations sends the message that their feelings don’t matter, leading to role confusion. If your teen is sharing their dreams and you’re on your phone, they may feel unseen. Your attention helps them develop a strong sense of self—plus, they’d rather talk about their "vibe" than hear about your new biryani recipe!

2. Young Adulthood (18-40 Years): Intimacy vs. Isolation

Young adults are focused on forming deep, intimate relationships. Phubbing during dates or vulnerable moments signals a lack of importance, leading to isolation. Relationships thrive on presence and emotional connection, not just physical proximity. Put your phone down to show you value the person over distractions—your phone won’t leave you, but your partner might.

3. Middle Adulthood (40-65 Years): Generativity vs. Stagnation

In middle adulthood, people focus on giving back through work, family, or community. Phubbing during important conversations can lead to stagnation and disconnection. When you prioritize your phone over sharing wisdom, you miss valuable chances to guide others. Don’t let technology interfere with nurturing relationships and legacies that matter most—your phone may make masala chai, but it can't offer life advice like you can.

4. Late Adulthood (65+ Years): Integrity vs. Despair

In their later years, older adults reflect on their lives. If they’re surrounded by family but ignored because of phones, they may feel overlooked, leading to regret or despair. Your elderly family members, who’ve spent years building relationships, deserve your full attention. In their golden years, your time is far more valuable than any social media update. Let’s face it: your grandparents are probably more entertaining than any viral meme, and they don’t need Wi-Fi to keep you engaged.

Reconnect, One Stage at a Time

Phubbing is more than a bad habit—it’s a developmental issue that affects people at every stage of life. Ignoring someone for a phone, whether it’s an infant learning trust or an elderly person reflecting on life, can have lasting emotional effects. By putting down your phone and giving full attention, you nurture trust, growth, and deeper connections. Next time you’re tempted to check notifications, remember: life is happening right in front of you. Don’t let the screen steal it away.

If your mobile is so smart, it should say, "Put me down and talk to your family!"

Written By :

B.Padma Priya M.Sc, M.Phil, (Ph.D)

Psychological Counsellor